Etikett: DID
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Mornings gone missing
Trigger warning – child abuse Bianca, 3-6 years old ”I’m so grateful you’re bringing her along”, my mother says blissfully. ”I can’t believe you have the energy for it, with all the children of your own”. Eric’s mother looks delighted hearing this. ”You know what they say – it takes a village to raise a…
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Body triggers for switching alter
HUMONGOUS TRIGGER WARNING – torture, child sexual abuse I’ve wanted to write about this for a long time. If you were abused by the same cult as me – or a similar one – this could be vital information for you. I’m starting to be more co-conscious with alters that I have. One thing I’ve…
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Guinevere
Trigger warning – abuse, DID I’m the night alter – the first, the strongest – I’m the other half of Bianca. She is always flitting around, like a fragile butterfly, and it’s my sorry job to watch over her amnesic ass. I’ve had to stay hidden for so long, but now I can finally communicate…
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Wild Dusk
Day and night, day and night, day and night. Night and day, night and day, night and day. Day and night… I’m balancing on the stone ledge of a flowerbed, singing those words over and over. It’s a monotonous melody and I feel slightly hypnotized. I no longer hear what other people tell me (”Stop…
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Stairs to my nightmares
BIG Trigger Warning – Cult stuff, child sexual abuse, physical abuse I see them in my dreams sometimes. Stairs, leading down. Hard corners and sharp edges, such that will really hurt you if you trip and tumble. The unforgiving kind. I always wonder what I’m doing there. I would never go to a place like this…
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Bianca
Trigger warning – sexual abuse, ptsd Integrating alters is a funny thing. Bianca is who I used to be for so many years. Bianca was an innocent front alter, who did not have a clue to the existence of other alters than herself. Now that I’m integrating more, I’m changing so much, and I feel like…
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Mother
The word Mother brings to mind a woman sprung from a nineteenth century novel. She supports the whole family and creates a safe haven within the home, always patient, always smiling kindly. She does her best to carry life’s burdens so that they do not reach the shoulders of her children. In grief, poverty or fear, she…
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Flower in winter
Trigger warning: child sexual abuse I can only say this much of my mother’s childhood, without giving away identifying details: she lost a beloved sibling, the light of her life and her one protector. Still worse, not one day passed without her and her other siblings being raped and hurt by their father. My grandmother,…
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Underneath the kitchen table
One of my first memories is looking up at the underside of the kitchen table. I know every white painted corner, every piece of metal and bolt by heart. The legs of the table are like guardian pillars, marking the entrance to my kingdom. If I sit very still and keep quiet, I am safe here.…
Writing our heart out 